Disclaimer: I don't own GB or the characters.
Chapter 4
"I saw you, Ginji. Nailed to a cross." Ban remained staring straight forwards as he spoke, chin resting on his knees.
"Ban-chan... Is that why you've been acting... strangely?" Ginji's quiet voice was full of sadness.
"Only a little." Because every time I see you, there's a split-second before normality kicks in where your eyes aren't right, where your hands are bloody.
"Ban-chan..." Ginji leaned over in the car, rested his chin on Ban's shoulder. "You know I'm okay, right?" He stared unblinkingly at Ban until he finally turned to meet the look. "Everything's okay."
For an instant, it almost was. But Ban couldn't kid himself into believing that. He was too cynical, had been bitten by the world too many times. "Ginji... I wish it were." There he went, saying things he didn't want to again.
"Ban-chan– "
"Akabane knows, Ginji. He knows something. He's in on this, whatever this is. He knows more than us, and that's dangerous." Even as he said it, the thought made him shiver.
"Then maybe we should leave, for a while? Go somewhere, take a vacation?" Ginji offered the words with a shadow of his real smile. He knew as well as Ban did that with the zeros in their bank account that dream was just that.
Ban smiled wanly, "Where should we go, Ginji?"
"To Okinawa, of course!" Ginji answered promptly the laughter in his voice not reaching his eyes.
"Why's that?"
"Because it's warm there, Ban-chan!"
"Not to Hawaii, or Australia?" Ban let himself fall into the play, took a momentary break from a life of harsh figures in straight lines.
"I don't speak any English, Ban-chan." Ginji sounded slightly wistful, pining gently for the education he had never received in the bowels of Mugenjou.
"That's okay, I know some."
"Really, Ban-chan?!" Ginji sat up, surprised. "Do you speak any other languages?"
"German." He might have elaborated, if he had had any good memories at all associated with that language. Really though, all it served as was a reminder of his curse, now more than ever.
Ginji made an impressed sound. "Can you say something in German, Ban-chan?"
"Meine Ruh ist hin, Mein Herz ist schwer*." Ban spoke in a whisper, took no relief from the glazed circle his warm breath formed on the windshield.
"What does it mean, Ban-chan?"
Ban, staring at the foggy window, answered distractedly, "Nothing, it's just something from an old play." My peace is gone, my heart is heavy. He had read Faust when he was young, forced to by his grandmother who insisted that roots were important. He had probably been too young to read it; most of it had just been long rambling text, but the entire thing had horrified him in a vague sort of way. Some of the quotes were still strewn through about his mind, and as he ploughed along through daily life, sometimes he dug them up.
"Ban-chan?"
Ban looked up, train of thought derailed. “Yeah?”
“Are we really going to sleep in the car?”
“Yeah.” If there had been money, even Mr. I Take A Bath In Fountains To Avoid Public Bathing Costs Ban would have sprung for a hotel. But he hadn’t been exaggerating about their lack of it.
“Are we going to stay here?” Ginji indicated the Honky Tonk down at the end of the road with his eyes. Despite the fact that they were chronically destitute, and the fact that everyone they knew was perfectly aware of that, both Ban and Ginji tried to keep from showing it openly. Pride in front of strangers was something they couldn’t afford, but pride in front of friends was something not to be sacrificed for any price.
Ban sighed, slightly concerned with driving on the snowy back roads of the city, but turned the key in the ignition all the same. It took a minute for the beetle to sputter to life but it did eventually, and Ban pulled out into the road.
Driving through the city, roads mostly abandoned, was surprisingly calming. The snow Paul’s radio had predicted was falling now, layering on top of the old snow like icing. They drove for some time, more to have the heater on for as long as possible than for anything else. They stopped by a street-side ramen vendor, bought some with change found under the seats and returned to the car to eat it.
It had been dark for a long time when they finally settled for the night, Ban choosing to park the car under a rarely-used overpass. Although he was itching for a smoke he refrained, since it would have required him to open a window– Ginji opposed smoking in closed cars– and let the heat out, or going outside all together. Instead, his fingers tapped out a rhythm against his thigh while he concentrated on readjusting his seat for the night. The beetle was getting old and tended to be finicky about changing the seat settings. He watched in amusement as Ginji pressed too hard on the back of his and sent himself tumbling head-first into the back seat. With a theatrical sigh Ginji gave up and pushed his seat back up all the way, then crawled into the back of the beetle and curled up bonelessly, like a cat. He was careful to keep his head on the passenger side though, so Ban could recline his seat back without crushing anything important.
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He was wrapped in red silk again, but now he stood in darkness, could not see his surroundings, if there were any. However, Ban could still tell that his cloak was red. This was because the of the bright fires licking up its hems. As soon as he realised he was on fire, the searing pain suddenly broke through, began washing over him. He gave a hoarse shout and ripped at the cloak, tried to tear it off, but the silk refused to give under his fingers. Ban dropped to his knees, tried to bury the flames under himself, but they continued to burn, lapping up to his waist now. He tore at the clasp at his throat, pulled at it until he cut his fingers open on the sharp scales of the snake, on its forked tongue. Mad with the pain, he threw himself on the floor, rolled over and over, arms and legs thrashing in the fire, screaming.
And then, the pain was gone. Ban froze, lay still on the ground, limbs twisted in unnatural positions, head and back arched broadly.
Is that better, Midou Ban?
The same voice as before in the same sweet tone, but stronger now, closer. The sweetness was so thick it seemed real, seemed to Ban as though he was drowning in it. He gagged, rolled onto his side and bit his tongue to keep from retching.
Do you not appreciate the relief, Midou Ban?
"Fuck off." He pulled himself to his knees, staggered to his feet, fingers digging deeply into the cloak in an effort to tear it off, as futile as the previous ones had been.
Then you would prefer the fire?
"I'd prefer to see you in Hell!" As soon as he spat the words out, he regretted them.
Easily arranged.
The blackness faded away, to dust, fires, and a cross.
Ban screamed.
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Ban woke up when his head banged against something. Someone was pulling at his shoulder, rocking him back and forth, hard.
“Ban-chan, wake up! Ban-chan!” Ginji’s voice filtered through, and the world flooded into focus all at once. He had somehow ended up lying partially on his side between the seats of the beetle, legs trapped below the steering wheel. His head and back had arched over the consol between the front seats, leaving his head to bump uncomfortably against the corner of the back seat as Ginji shook his shoulders.
Awake now, he tried to pull himself into a more comfortable position. He instead managed to dump himself onto the floor of the back seat, head on the bottom, legs on top. The situation was further complicated by the fact that Ginji was on the back seat. When Ban finally pulled himself into something resembling a sitting position on the floor, he found himself staring straight into Ginji’s eyes, his own less than an inch away. Startled, he drew back sharply, heart racing, mind already drawing comparisons to–
“Ban-chan, are you okay? You were having another nightmare...”
Thankful for the interruption, he deigned to answer a question he normally wouldn’t have. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Geez, don’t just pop up in front of me like that.” He swung weakly at Ginji’s head, his elbow ramming into the window causing him to miss. The dull pain in his elbow, combined with the other bruises thrashing around in the car had given him, gave him something to concentrate on, an anchor to the real world.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You were rolling all over the place...” Ginji leant over to get a closer look and promptly lost his balance, fell off the seat with a surprised shout onto Ban. The sudden weight knocked most the air out of Ban’s lungs, but he had gotten his elbows up behind himself in time to stop his head ramming into the door. When he had gotten his breath back, Ginji was still on top of him.
“Ginji...”
“Ban-chan. What did you see?” His chin was resting on Ban’s shoulder, forehead presumably pressed into the cold metal of the door. In Ban’s ear, his voice was quiet, serious; the side of Ginji which was rarely seen. “Was it me again?”
Ban hesitated, turned his head slightly but could see only the back of Ginji’s, golden hair spiking outwards, and below it the sharp curve of his spine, disappearing under his jacket collar. “Ginji...”
“You did, didn’t you?” He hardly needed to ask, Ban’s silence made it obvious. Slowly, hesitantly, his arms slid around Ban, hugged him gently. “I’m sorry, Ban-chan.” His words were muffled against Ban’s neck, breath warm on his skin.
“Ginji,” Ban paused to pull in a shuddering breath, both their bodies shaking with it. “It’s not your fault.”
“I’m still sorry.” Ginji shifted, pulled himself away from Ban slightly, began to climb back up onto the seat. “You should try to go back to sleep, Ban-chan. I’ll wake you if...” He trailed off, watched Ban uncertainly.
Ban, already cold without Ginji’s warmth next to him, locked his muscles to try to hide the shivers. While Ginji was there, everything was warm, everything was all right. As soon as he left, Ban felt himself slipping back down into madness. He reached up, hand shaking, and draped it around Ginji’s waist, pulled him back down. “We’ll go to sleep in a minute, okay?” He tried with everything he had to put his usual confidence, security, into his tone. He suspected he had failed miserably. Still, Ginji sank back down, this time moulded himself to fit around Ban without crushing anything.
“Mm. For just one minute, Ban-chan.” Ginji’s worlds were slightly drawled as he settled, eyes already closed, body already drooping.
Ban smiled slightly in the dark.