Forfeit, a Saiyuki fanfic by *blinkblink*
It's only when they have
somehow clawed their way to victory, with Gyokumen Koushu lying dead in a pool
of her own blood at the feet of her long-defeated lover, that they realise Ni Jienyi has left them one last gift.
Even with Kougaiji and his
tiny group of followers clearing a path for them, they only barely succeeded in
clawing their way to the final battle, only struck down Gyuumaou's
mistress by the very skin of their teeth. Bloody, injured and exhausted, with
dented weapons and torn clothes, they all feel the first minute shift in the
dull background hum of the Minus Wave. Like a tide constantly pressing against
them, the three youkai long ago learned to unconsciously tilt their weight
against it. Now it's changing. Strengthening.
They're in the huge room that
houses Gyuumaou's body, crammed full of computers and
wires and platforms and scaffolds. Along the edges of the room dozens of sets
of manacles have been installed, each over a complex array of alchemy and electronics
most of which have been further augmented with rusty red stains; whatever the
process of bringing the dead demon king back to life, it has clearly been paid
for in no small part by the lives of others. The massive room is humming with
the rising strength of the minus wave, beginning to beat against them in harsh,
crushing waves. Somehow Ni Jienyi has twisted the
Minus Wave one final screw, and sent the madness into a sharp outwards spiral.
They're at the very centre of
it, so close they can feel each wave hammering against them with the crushing
force of a tsunami. Here there is not just the mental torment of having their
minds twisted and ripped, but a very physical pressure slamming into them.
Cracking their shields further and further open with each blow as they stagger
against it, hands clapped to their heads.
Gojyo's the first to break,
the only one of the three youkai who never felt even a flicker of madness. He
snaps like brittle wood and bunches to leap as his instincts drive him onto the
only human left alive in Houtou castle. Three shots from Sanzo's gun brings
down a whole scaffold of pipes on top of him, burying him under hundreds of
pounds of metal.
Hakkai, teeth aching and ears
lengthening even under the suppressing field of the limiters, stumbles to the
nearest wall. Leaning on the wall for support, he finds a pair of iron manacles
clamped into the ancient stone and locks his wrists in heavy metal manacles an
instant before the earrings shatter and take his control with them. He throws himself
against the chains, snarling, and scrabbles at Sanzo with clawed hands as the
priest runs past him.
Goku can feel the minus wave
beating his control into dust, can feel the origin of the device. He stumbles
after Sanzo towards it, head bent against the pounding force. Follows the flash
of white in the darkness even as rage wells up inside him and his mouth begins
to water. Trips around a corner as his vision begins to go red, and hears a
heavy metal door slam shut. And then there is nothing but the need to kill,
nothing but the desire for blood in his mouth and bones breaking under his
hands.
For Goku there is no sharp
division from madness to sanity; it's more like waking from a heavy sleep. He
gradually perceives that his hands are fisted around unforgiving metal, that
his shins are bruised and aching, and that his throat is raw. Gradually turns the
unrelenting background hum into Sanzo's low voice, chanting steadily and
filling the stone room with its soft warmth. Gradually focuses the blur of
dirty white and gold against black into Sanzo sitting cross-legged some yards
in front of him.
They're in some small room,
hardly ten yards by ten yards, all cold cellar air and must. The space is
separated into two by floor-to-ceiling iron bars with the locked door into the
cell at the far end on Goku's right, and the entrance into the room behind him
on his left. The portion in which Goku stands is hardly a yard wide, the lion's
share of the space sitting behind the bars. There complex circles of gold have
been beaten into the stone floor, several intersecting with each other and
ornamented by elaborate writing and symbols. Set evenly around the overall
design and standing on their ends are the five sutras. And sitting in the
middle of them, eyes closed in concentration and one hand raised in prayer, is
Sanzo. Even in the dim light, his golden hair seems to gleam in a halo around
his pale face. Goku's fists loosen as he stands, watching slack-jawed.
Sanzo's voice is hypnotic.
It's not just the rhythm of the chanting, which is designed with that purpose
in mind, but his tone and cadence. The clarity there, something no one who had
ever heard Sanzo growling for silence past a cigarette would guess his voice
could hold, is strong and bright as a sunrise, cutting through the dark of
night and changing the world as it passes. Goku listens to it with wide eyes,
hands falling away from the bars.
He can feel the power of the
sutras filling the room, raising the hairs on the back of his neck. The Maten Sutra alone he knows well, is so familiar with its
particular signature neither shade nor tone nor taste, but something he can
recognize as easily all the same that even the fearful pressure of it being
unleashed doesn't set him on edge. The same isn't true of the others, and he
finds himself tensing tight as a crossbow string.
Each of the sutras have their
own resonance, their own identity. Each alone is incomparably greater than any
youkai's ki. Summoned together, the power is too great for Goku to be
able to fathom, is overwhelming his senses like the tide crashing down on a
single crab. Here in its unfolding presence he finds himself fighting to simply
hold still, to keep from running or ducking away. The sheer roiling,
pulverizing might of it is horrific and beautiful. Surrounded by it he feels
tiny as an insect, staring up at all the scorching heat and strength of the
sun. And Sanzo is standing between him and it, weaving that power into a form.
Capturing it, holding it, controlling it with his voice. Using himself as a
prism to cut it into the shape he wants, and reflecting it where he needs. Over
Tenjiku, and over Shangri-la beyond it.
The Minus Wave is stopped,
but the damage lives on. And Sanzo is using the power of the sutras to reverse
it, bending power strong enough to shape the world to his will. Power
only the gods have ever held. Goku can feel him harnessing it, forcing back the
crushing strength and allowing only the tiny wisp that he needs to flow out by
the force of his spirit alone. His control is amazing, is exquisite, is perfect.
The perfection of a crack-shot, of a razor-sharp mind, of Genjyo Sanzo.
And still the power being
released is overwhelming, pushing at Goku, pounding him down. He stumbles away
from the bars, staggers a few steps and falls. Folds himself in tight against
the wall as the Tenchi Kaigen
Sutras flow against him, more powerful than the Minus Wave ever was. More
powerful than him. More powerful than Sanzo. Infinitely, unimaginably more
powerful. This is the kind of power that destroys without leaving ashes. The
kind of power mortals were never meant to hold can not hold.
Goku looks up and sees the
sweat pouring down Sanzo's face. Sees his hand shaking, sees his eyebrows
furrowed so deeply his eyes are nearly hidden between the curves of his brows
and sharp cheeks, sees the blood tricking from his ears and nose. And still the
words flow out steadily, evenly, perfectly. He is making chains of pure molten
energy with his mind, and using them to do his bidding.
Goku tries to unfold himself,
back trembling under the sheer weight of the power filling the room heavier
than water, than sand, than metal, it has the ancient immeasurable weight of
mountains. He digs a hand into crumbling masonry and drags himself to his
knees.
"Sanzo "
The chanting is growing
shorter and sharper, Sanzo's voice deepening. The air around them crackles, hot
and dry as a desert now.
Goku takes a step forwards,
and falls flat on his face, muscles on fire. Snakes a hand along the warm stone
floor, sweat dampening his hair, beading on his skin, and closes it around one
of the bars. They're hot now, hot as metal in the summer sun, but he closes his
hand around it all the same and pulls himself closer.
"Sanzo "
The words of the chant are
shorter and shorter still, voice more and more intense. The metal bars are
humming with it, stones cracking, mortar crumbling and falling like snow all
around them.
Goku struggles to raise his
head, the weight pressing down on him heavy as cast-iron, the muscles in his
neck twinging and snapping and burning. His hair is
plastered to his face, his palms slip on the scorching metal.
Goku looks up, fighting to do
so with as much effort as he's ever spent throwing himself into battle. He can see
the power now, see the scriptures shining a holy, purifying white. See the halo
of it around Sanzo, the priest glowing just as bright as the scrolls with the
power of it. The power of the gods, running through his veins. At this moment
he is awesome and beautiful, too beautiful for anything mortal, all white and
gold and strength and power. He is burning with it, alight with holy fire,
brilliant as a falling star.
And it is destroying him.
"SANZO "
Goku can recognize the words
now. Knows them in his heart even if he's never said them, never even thought
to. The end of the Maten Sutra.
Goku screams, shaking the
bars that are burning his palms.
For one single second Sanzo
opens his eyes, and time seems to roll out like a streamer in the wind. The
world balanced on the head of a pin, Sanzo pauses shouldering a burden strong
enough to crush a continent. Violet brighter than Goku has ever seen sears with
a fire no human can hold.
"S-sanzo,
don't " He's sobbing, doesn't know when he started to cry, can't feel the
tears. His hand, stretched out in front of him, is shaking. "Don't not
again " He doesn't know where the words come from, but they are the sole
thought echoing in the empty cavern of his mind. Don't leave me again.
Sanzo never apologizes for
anything. It's a concept entirely outside his vocabulary. He would bite his
tongue first; fatally, if necessary. No mistakes, no regrets, no apologies.
That is Genjyo Sanzo.
In that single second, the
bridge between a full past and an empty future, Goku looks into Sanzo's eyes.
And in glowing violet sees a first and last flicker of apology. It slices
through his heart like a knife.
"On mani hatsu mei
un!"
Goku is blasted back against
the wall, tossed like a ragdoll by the final surge of power as the sutras are
released in full. In the chaos of that release, his senses deafened by the
nearly limitless strength as if by a bomb exploding beside him, Goku still feels
it.
Still feels the very instant
that Genjyo Sanzo dies right before his eyes.
For several seconds, there is
no Son Goku. There is nothing but pure bleeding, shattering, burning grief, and
a tiny knot holding it back from its full capacity. Raging like an open-ocean
storm, it pounds away at the knot seeking full freedom, the freedom to scream
the entirety of its pain up to the cruel heavens.
The diadem begins to crack.
You are a stupid monkey!
The scream wails away into a choking
whine; Goku scrapes bloody fingertips across uneven stones and grinds sharp
teeth together. Opens golden eyes to look at the wreck of his world.
Beyond the bars, Sanzo is
lying spread-eagled on his back, half-out of the circle engraved in the ground.
The five sutras have fallen about him, nothing but harmless rolls of parchment
on chipped stone. His eyes are open, dull violet staring up sightlessly at the
ceiling.
Rage washes over him in a
boiling wave and Goku throws himself at the bars, Nyoi-bou in his hand without
conscious thought. He strikes at them with all the strength left in his arms,
batters himself against them until the impact sets his teeth chattering and his
hands shaking. They show no signs of giving; he sinks to the ground, breath coming
in something between pants and sobs.
First unstoppable expressions
grief and rage temporarily exhausted, Goku's head clears enough to remember the
others. To remember Hakkai, in the other room, who can start hearts. He's seen
him do it, seen him bring Gojyo lying cold and wet beside a churning waterfall
back to life, seen him pump the water from his lungs and start his heart again.
He's moving before he's finished the thought.
The huge room housing
Gyuumaou has weathered the storm of the sutras well; although there's a fine
layer of mortar and dust on the floor, nothing has fallen in or collapsed. The
hulking corpse of the Ox King and now it is nothing more than a corpse sits
silent and forgotten, nothing more than a morbid decoration in its own hall.
The rest of the objects in the crowded room hold scarcely jollier associations;
the last mementos of Gyokumen Koushu's rule will be
rotten specimens in test tubes, blood-stained alchemical arrays, and a broken
throne. It already feels like something out of history, like a dusty memory
locked away for years and then stumbled on.
A rattle of chains draws
Goku's attention to the wall, and Hakkai, and he forgets about Gyuumaou and his
mistress in an instant.
The dark-haired man is
standing with a hunch that hints at pain and exhaustion, blood dripping from
his wrists as well as from the injuries left by Gyokumen Koushu's
soldiers. His eyes as he looks at Goku are dark, and Goku knows that he must
have heard what happened in the other room. Heard his screams.
"Sanzo," Goku
begins, nevertheless, running over. Hakkai straightens with a metallic clatter,
and looks to the pile of timber and metal near the far entrance to the hall.
His monocle is missing; without it his face looks more open, vulnerable. But his
good eye focuses sharply enough, pupil the narrow sliver of a youkai's keener
eye.
"Get Gojyo; I can't open
these chains," he says, cutting across Goku's uncertain words with unusual
sharpness. Goku doesn't bother to stop, just redirects himself and keeps running.
Goku has no idea where under
the mess of wood and steel poles the kappa is buried. He simply begins at the
top, throwing the debris behind him careless as a dog digging a hole for a
bone. After a minute the pile begins to shift on its own, and someone begins to
curse in a low voice. Goku shifts his digging in that direction, and after half
a minute unearths long tangled locks of crimson. Gojyo half-crawls,
half-staggers out of the pile, and collapses to his knees as soon as he's free
of it. He's panting hard, and there's wet blood mingled in with the bright
flame of his hair. Goku ignores it.
"C'mon, you've got to
get Hakkai out." Merciless in his terror, Goku grabs the cockroach by the
elbow and pulls him to his feet.
"Eh? What's " He
looks around the room once, dull eyes settling on Hakkai's form. Hakkai is
staring at him, eyes still narrow and dark. There is no smile on his lips, and
while Goku hates Hakkai's false smiles, the stern command he sees in the quiet
man's face makes his stomach twist. Gojyo nearly flinches at it, eyes widening
slightly, before he sets his shoulders.
"Ch." Gojyo
takes a stumbling step forward and holds out a hand to produce the shakujou out of thin air, brows furrowing in concentration.
He doesn't bother to waste time crossing the room, just strikes at the air with
his staff. The crescent flies out from the end, obedient as ever to its
master's commands, straight at the manacles securing Hakkai to the wall. Slices
through the links of first one, then the other in two broad whistling curves.
Goku's already running, doesn't see the red-head secure his weapon.
Hakkai steps away from the
wall, severed chains falling back to rattle against hard stone, and pauses for
an instant to look back at Gojyo. Goku doesn't wait, and as he runs by he hears
Hakkai turn to follow, and the slower shuffle of Gojyo behind.
After the high ceilings of
the throne room the room beyond feels tiny and cramped, all stillness and heavy
air. Like a crypt.
Behind him Hakkai steps in,
and gasps quietly.
"I can't open it,"
says Goku, pouring out words to fill the horrible gaping silence. "You
have to open it, Hakkai. Open it."
Hakkai is staring through the
bars, still as a frozen tree in winter. His green eyes are wide in an
expression Goku's never seen before, doesn't want to see now. But he startles
at the prompt, and turns. Goku indicates the door along at the end of the cell,
closed by Sanzo, and the green-eyed man sets his jaw and hurries over. Metal
shines dully between his fingertips, lock-picks sliding smoothly into the dark
hole in the cell door.
There's a metallic clatter
from the main room and Gojyo stumbles in, leaning on his shakujou.
He blanches visibly as he crosses the threshold, and stiffens to stone. Goku
turns away; he doesn't want to see any more stillness. Gojyo standing horrified
behind him, and Hakkai tense and cold in front of him; the room is so full of
shock and grief and pain that he can feel it pouring like cement through his
bones, feels like it will continue until he hardens and shatters. He clenches
his jaw against a scream, and prays Hakkai will hurry up and open the door
before that happens; the diadem on his head is already too fragile.
The door opens with a tiny
click; it might as well be a gunshot. Hakkai starts out ahead of him but Goku
gets there first anyway, ploughs to his knees so hard he skins them through his
jeans.
This isn't like all the other
times. Isn't like Rikudo, or the desert youkai, or
Ukoku Sanzo. He can't fist his hands in the stained robes and tell Sanzo to
hold on. Can't press his hands against a wound and implore the priest. Can't
believe that by any speed or strength of his, he can save him.
He can only turn to Hakkai,
only count on the healer as he always does, because this cannot happen.
Hakkai falls to his knees and
pulls the shredded remains of Sanzo's bamboo breastplate and robe away from his
chest, spins to straddle the blond's torso and
crosses his hands over his breastbone. Closes his eyes, and begins to pump his
hands in a hard, slow rhythm. "Goku," he says, without opening his
eyes, voice terse and strained. "Breathe for him when I tell you. You
remember how I taught you after that incident at the waterfall."
Goku remembers, remembers
Gojyo lying in a wet heap on stony ground and Hakkai and Sanzo labouring over
him, remembers thinking how ridiculous it was for a kappa to drown and at the
same time how utterly useless he was, while the other two struggled to start
Gojyo breathing again. Remembers him and Gojyo sitting and bickering
afterwards, while Hakkai forced them to learn basic resuscitation. The words
come back to him now, watching the scenario replay itself with different
actors. Pinch the nose closed and make a seal over the mouth the air needs
to go into their lungs. Breathe strongly and evenly, not too fast.
He leans over the priest, and
feels his throat choke up. Sanzo is staring up at him with dull eyes, dead
eyes
A high-pitched whine slips out through his tight throat.
"Goku," says
Hakkai, sharp as a slap. Goku shakes his head and closes his own eyes, pinches
the priest's nose closed.
"Now. Three times,
please."
Goku tilts Sanzo's head back,
opening his jaw, and tries not to think. Not to notice the slackness of his muscles,
the coolness of his lips, the utter wrongness of the whole situation.
He raises his head and Hakkai
continues pounding against Sanzo's chest, trying to start his heart. Gojyo
tumbles down beside him, shakujou skidding out and
slicing a deep gouge in the floor as he sits.
"Now," says Hakkai
again.
This has to work.
And again.
It always works; Hakkai
always manages somehow.
And again.
Sanzo always recovers, even
from the worst wounds.
And again.
It can not be
otherwise.
Hakkai stops.
Sanzo isn't breathing. In his
chest, his heart is still.
"What are you
doing?" Goku's head whips up, voice echoing off the close stones.
"Why are you stopping, he isn't you can't stop!"
"Goku "
"You can't give up,
Hakkai! You can't! He still we can still "
"Goku "
"He can't die."
Can't. No more than the sun can set and never rise again.
"Goku," whispers
Hakkai, words tearing like claws through his throat, "he's already
dead."
Goku knows it's true. He can
feel it, just as he feels his own heart still beating in his chest; it feels
like part of it has been ripped away.
Gojyo covers his eyes with a
hand, drops his head to rest in its grip. Hakkai slips off to sit in a listless
slump, all the masks stripped from his face leaving only stunned sorrow.
It's all over.
Goku collapses, falling
forward onto Sanzo's corpse. Tears are pouring from his eyes, but he doesn't
feel them. Doesn't feel anything other than the ragged hole in his chest, and
the cold eternity of Mt. Gogyou closing in around
him.
No one will ever answer his
call again.
No. Worse than that. Worse
than going unanswered for a hundred, five hundred, a thousand years. Worse than
his being alone. Sanzo is dead.
SANZO~!
SANZO~!
Genjyo Sanzo's eyes snap open.
"Ara.
I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up. You must have picked up some
bad habits down there."
There's a blue sky over him,
and hard stone beneath him. And, from somewhere out of his range of vision, a
cocky voice that feels just slightly familiar. Like an itch he can't scratch.
Sanzo frowns, and sits up.
"I suppose I should
apologize for the clothes; I just couldn't help myself. Perhaps I'm growing
nostalgic in my old age."
Sanzo looks down at his
clothes. They're all white silk, a long sleeveless robe slit from the hip down
with loose pants beneath, two golden arm bands holding up long detached
sleeves, straw sandals.
He's sitting on the edge of a
square pool, the smooth surface reflecting the blue of the sky overhead. It's
covered with lotus plants, their delicate pink blossoms open to cherish the
sun. He turns and finds an elaborate pavilion looming behind him. And, sitting
on a throne a few feet away, a face that
Sanzo frowns as a flicker of
memory darts by like fish in a muddy pond, slips through his fingers and
vanishes.
Judging by the sheer silks
covering amble breasts it's a woman, but Sanzo has more than enough education
not to jump to conclusions in a scenario like this. A thick pile of dark hair
has been drawn away from the sharp face, baring a forehead marked with the
chakra of the gods set above drooping eyes, a straight nose and a wide mouth.
The sunlight glints off a highly polished mirror hanging by thin chains over
the centre of the generous chest, while light-weight silk flows between
carelessly spread legs to pool beside bare feet.
Overall, an appearance which
tallies suspiciously well with the reports of Kanzeon
Bosatsu furnished by Hakkai and Gojyo after the Rikudo incident.
"Have I been here
before?" he asks slowly, trying to pick out the right course of action.
Sanzo is rarely caught off guard, but then, he's never died before. Probably.
"That would be
telling," answers almost-certainly Kanzeon Bosatsu, with a cocky grin.
Sanzo is abruptly reminded of
the rest of Hakkai and Gojyo's report, specifically the details of the Merciful
Goddess' personality.
"Why am I here now,
then?"
"That," se answers,
raising an index finger with the air of one awarding a prize, "is because
you have a choice to make."
Sanzo stares at hir flatly. "A choice?"
"You were tasked with a
difficult mission, Genjyo Sanzo. Most of Heaven believed it to be impossible.
But you completed it, regardless of the costs. That calls for a reward."
Se smiles broadly. "Which is why you're here. You have a choice to
make."
"About my reward."
Sanzo shifts to sit with his legs crossed, stone smooth under him. This entire
situation is surreal, is ridiculous. Sitting in Heaven, if he's to believe
that, bargaining for rewards with the Goddess of Mercy. He needs a cigarette.
"Bingo. Frankly though,
your options are a bit limited."
"Because I'm dead."
Se beams. "Always so to
the point. Yes, well, it's true. There are only so many things you can offer
dead men. In this case, two. One," Se holds up a finger again, "you
can be reincarnated. I can't promise when or where, or even what gender. You
would make a beautiful girl, I'm sure."
Sanzo does frown, now, and
the Bosatsu's grin evens out into a softer smile.
"You wouldn't remember anything that had happened to Genjyo Sanzo you
wouldn't be Genjyo Sanzo. But, wherever and whenever and whoever you
would be, you would have a long, prosperous life." Se pauses, and looks at
him with star-sharp eyes which he knows can see straight into his soul.
"You would be happy. That is the guarantee."
"I see," he says,
slowly. Happiness? It's not something he has ever considered. The most he has
ever aimed for is contentment, and he's had that rarely enough in his short
life. But it hasn't felt bereft for all that. Not recently, at least. "And
the other?"
"Two," se holds up
a second finger, "you can go back." Se turns her gaze from him and
indicates the lotus pond. Sanzo shifts to look down into the calm waters, and
freezes.
Depicted in the blueness with
a magic that feels similar to that of the Three Aspects is a live scene playing
itself out. With a sharp hardening in his gut he recognizes himself, lying on
his back in the damned sutra room. Recognizes Gojyo and Hakkai sitting beside
him like puppets with their strings cuts. Recognizes Goku, bent over him with
shaking shoulders.
"Go back," he
manages, tight throat mauling the words.
"It's not something we
are minded to offer often. 'One try only' is the usual stance. But in this case
I think we can make an exception. It comes with conditions, though."
Sanzo looks over his
shoulder, eyes hard and questioning. Se waves hir two
fingers cheerily.
"Only two. One: the
other three must choose it." Se adopts a lecturing countenance.
"Normally they would each be rewarded for having completed this mission, a
wish for anything they desire within reason, of course. But bringing the dead
back to life is too large a request; I can't fulfil it and whatever
bizarre cravings they may have. There are limits to my generosity, after all.
They must be willing to give up their wishes, their rewards, for you."
Sanzo snorts, and turns
around slowly to stare back into the pond. "So at the end of it all, you
tell me I should have been a better person." He watches the lotus petals
shivering in the gentle breeze for a few moments before speaking again.
"And the other?"
"You must still have a
connection to that life, that body. If not, the whole might of Heaven could not
restore you, whether we were minded to or not."
There's the whisper of silk
and the soft patter of naked footsteps; it's enough to warn him. He doesn't
flinch when se sits down directly behind him, one outstretched arm resting on a
knee within his peripheral vision. Hir nails are
painted, he sees as se examines them lazily.
"Well, Genjyo Sanzo?
Which do you choose? If the former, there won't be any need for me to ask your
followers for permission. You haven't had an easy life. I can't promise it will
get any easier; in fact, I quite doubt it."
An easy life. He can't even
imagine it, doesn't even know what it means. A house, a family, a dog? A dull
trade, regular meal times, children crying for his attention?
No blood on his hands, no
corpses in his shadow, no guilt in his conscience.
No Cho Hakkai, scolding him
from behind a laughing mask.
No Sha
Gojyo, pissing him off at every turn.
No Son Goku, calling his name
at all hours of the day and night.
Gold eyes flash in his
memory, pleading with him in horrified desperation.
SANZO~!
Sanzo's hands clench as he
fights not to flinch, soundless cry cutting through his chest.
Fuck. They've never let him
rest before. He should have known it wouldn't be any damn different in the
grave.
"It would be troublesome
getting used to a new life," he drawls, staring out over the pink
blossoms. "One childhood was enough."
Behind him, the Merciful
Goddess snorts. It isn't an action he had ever associated with the divine,
until now.
"You always were
troublesome," se says. There's a whisper of wind, and her hand disappears
from his sight. And reappears in the scene playing itself out between the lotus
plants.
A silvery bell peals, soft
and gentle, and the world freezes.
The world at this minute to
Gojyo is Goku's sobs and Hakkai's quiet breaths. They stop without warning, as
if cotton has been crammed into his ears. He looks up slowly, and sees that
neither of them are moving.
"Do you remember me, Mr.
Full-Blooded Red-Head?"
Gojyo freezes, for an instant
sits as still as the other two. Then, like ice breaking up with the spring thaw,
he shifts stiffly to sit with his hands fisted beside him. "Yeah. I
remember. You're a bit late for blood transfusions." His voice sounds
bitter even to his ears; he doesn't care. Se ignores it, speaking in a
boisterous tone.
"I've come to
congratulate you, Sha Gojyo. You succeeded far beyond
our expectations. Gyuumaou's revival is thwarted, and
the Minus Wave reversed."
"If you know that, then
you know I didn't have a fucking thing to do with any of it. Hakkai and Goku
killed that bitch, and Sanzo Sanzo reversed the Minus Wave." He finishes
the sentence through clenched teeth, sounds as if he's speaking through a
mouthful of dirt.
"You sell yourself
short; you were instrumental in storming the castle, in striking down Gyokumen
Koushu. And in any case, regardless of your immediate actions tonight, without
your aid your goals could not have been completed." Hir
voice is grand, magnanimous. Slathering praise on him with a generous hand. It
makes him sick.
"Get to the point."
"I am here," se
announces, smile evident in hir tone "to give
you your reward. For your part in the success of this mission, you may choose
your wish. Anything within reason nothing boring and clichι like eternal life
or universal power," se adds, as if those were requested every other week.
"Are you serious?"
He doesn't turn. Doesn't move his head an inch, doesn't let himself even think
about looking behind him.
"Very. One wish, Sha Gojyo. Money? Success? A pretty wife? Ask away."
His control shatters like a
pitched mirror and he spins around in a tight, furious circle. "How dare
you. How fucking dare you come and offer that to me now, when he's lying
dead right there with his monkey crying over his goddamn corpse! Money?
Women?" Gojyo spits at hir feet. "The hell
am I gonna do with those? The hell am I gonna do with anything you give me, other than remember
what it cost? You want to do something? Bring the goddamn priest back. Reward
him for his fucking idiocy, so I can spend the rest of my life laughing at him!"
The goddess raises a calm
eyebrow. "Are you serious?"
"Do I look like I'm
joking?" he demands, hand clenched to keep himself from releasing the shakujou's crescent. "Bring him back. Right goddamn
now."
Eyes deeper than the night
sky harden to stare into him unwaveringly, thought and attention wider than the
world focused solely on him, until he begins to shiver. Finally, se nods and
breaks the stare. "Very well. We shall see."
Far off, a bell chimes and se
disappears. Gojyo sinks, panting, to his knees, and tries to stop shaking.
A silvery bell peals, soft
and gentle, and the world freezes.
Goku's sobs and Gojyo's deep,
pained pants disappear as thought sliced out of the air.
Hakkai blinks slowly, and
sees that they have stopped moving entirely, as if turned to stone.
"I have heard you have
an excellent memory, Cho Hakkai," says a mocking voice behind him.
Hakkai tenses so sharply he
too might almost have turned to stone. "It is fair enough," he
replies, his flat voice carelessly mismatched against the bland effacement of
his words.
"Then you remember
me." It's not a question, and the tone suggests that in fact the asker
knew the answer all along.
"I have that
honour," he says regardless, icy voice covering a cold sea of rage.
"I must offer you
congratulations," says the goddess, in a bright tone. "You have
completed your mission against vast odds, managed it surprising well, really.
Very impressive."
"I can't agree."
The words slip out like icicles, slicing slickly through the air as they fall
to the ground.
He can hear the smile in her voice,
praise for a well-performing child. "How modest. But now isn't the time
for modesty. I have come to recognize your achievements, Cho Hakkai. I've come
to reward you."
Hakkai looks up at the
opposite wall, and gives a short, harsh burst of laughter. "Achievements?
Which achievements would those be?"
"You have prevented the
resurrection of Gyuumaou and repaired the damage of the Minus Wave, as you were
ordered."
In front of him, Gojyo is
sitting with his head bowed, face hidden behind a crimson curtain. The curve of
Goku's back over Sanzo stands out like a sun-licked scimitar in the dim light,
his fingers knotted in torn fabric. They are each their own individual portrait
of grief, but looking at the two of them only holds up a mirror to his own.
"Have you
considered," he asks with arctic frigidness, half-turning, "judging
success or failure not by what is gained but by what was sacrificed to achieve
it?"
There's a gentle shift of
fabric, something light and silken. "In those terms too, you would be successful,"
responds the goddess, more softly now. "One man against thousands of
tortured youkai and murdered humans, against the horrors of Gyuumaou's
revival. The price is not so large."
Hakkai doesn't answer. Stares
at the bars beside him, and wonders whether he will be able to escape this cage
a second time.
"And so," se
continues, upbeat once more, "I've come to give you your reward. One wish.
Anything within limits; nothing tawdry and power-mongering."
"You have come to offer
me a reward."
"Yes."
"Here and now, you
choose to reward me for my success."
A sliver of impatience slides
into hir tone. "Yes; I'm a busy person, don't
knock it. One wish. Choose. What's it to be? A nice little house? A successful
school? Happiness for a certain sibling? I've never been called
small-minded."
Hakkai's spine snaps
straight, and he turns with a snarl. "What do you mean?"
The goddess is standing
behind him, leaning up against the stone wall with one bare foot resting back
against it in a casual pose. "I can't offer you her old life, she is much
too long-gone for that. But passing on prosperity for her future? No
trouble."
"Does she need it?"
He can feel himself retreating into the silence those memories always hold for
him, wrapping it around himself like a shroud.
Se shrugs. "That's not
my department. Her choices were not exactly in favour with Heaven's morals, but
her short life was marred with great suffering; that gets taken into account.
If you wish for her prosperity, it may be a wasted wish, or it may not. It's up
to you."
Hakkai stares up into those
eyes, and reads absolutely nothing in them. Nothing but cold eternity staring
back at him, looking past all the layers of masks and shadows straight down
into his soul, until he has to look away or break.
He looks back to Sanzo, lying
limp on the floor behind him, with Goku and Gojyo by his side.
"What about him? He
isn't long gone. Can you bring him back?"
A sly look flashes over Kanzeon Bosatsu's face. "Oh?
You'd rather save the priest than your sister?"
"Can you?" grits
out Hakkai. Se shrugs.
"You must make the
choice. Matters affecting the dead are the most pricy wishes I'm not
technically supposed to offer them. You have to take them on blind faith. I
can't tell you whether your sister needs your help, and I can't tell you
whether you can bring him back or not. You have to choose between them without
knowing."
He lets out his breath in a
harsh sigh, drops his head to rest on his knee.
"They both chose their
fate. They both chose to die. You aren't obligated to help either of
them," says the goddess, gently.
Hakkai's fingers clench. Kanan He closes his eyes. Kanan
chose to die. It's the undeniable truth, the truth he still flails himself
with. He hadn't been fast enough, hadn't been strong enough to save her. Hadn't
been enough anything, for her to live on for him.
And Sanzo?
"Sanzo didn't choose to
die," he chokes out without looking up.
"He chose to use the
sutras, knowing it would kill him sure as a knife to the stomach," Hakkai
flinches, but se continues in a flat tone, "He chose death."
He stiffens, teeth clenching.
Fights the easier battle to forget the harder one. "But that wasn't his
intent. It was just the only way. The only way to do the job you ordered him
to."
There's a short cutting
silence, Hakkai baiting the goddess with his mouth set in a hard line.
"When," asks the
goddess, breaking the thorny silence with the first hint of what sounds like
genuine emotion he's ever heard from hir, "have
you ever known Genjyo Sanzo to do follow an order he disagreed with?"
From the day I was born to
the day I die, the only side I'm on is my own.
Sanzo alone knows why he
chose to do what he did. But regardless of the goddess' words, Hakkai knows at
least one thing with absolute certainty: Sanzo didn't make his choice with the
objective of throwing away his life. Knows, without even having seen it, that
the priest fought right up until the bitter end.
For the life of him, he
doesn't know what the choking sound that escapes his throat is.
"Well, Cho Hakkai?"
Hakkai sits up. Looks down at
Sanzo, and notices for the first time his expression: fierce dedication, even
in death.
"Save his life." He
turns to stare the goddess in the eye. "Save Sanzo's life."
Se nods. "Very well. We
shall see."
Somewhere beyond the walls of
the room, a bell rings. Se disappears.
Hakkai falls back into a
slump, the heel of one hand pressed against his forehead, eyes closed.
Sanzo stares watches as the
Merciful Goddess talks to Gojyo and Hakkai one after the other. He can't hear
their words, but he can read their expressions with more accuracy than any
scroll.
Se returns Hakkai to whatever
stillness se's imposed on them, and walks slowly over
to Goku. He's still bent over the body over his body hands fisted in
the stained shirt. He's crying, Sanzo knows without being able to hear it, can
see his shoulders shaking.
It's ridiculous, completely impossible,
but his own shirt feels wet. Just some psychological crap, association or
identification something. He forcefully represses the urge to wipe at it.
To his surprise, the goddess
doesn't say anything to the monkey. Doesn't try to goad him into conversation,
doesn't even scold him for his tears.
Just leans over him from
behind and wraps hir arms around him in a gentle hug.
In her arms, Goku starts and, for just an instant, looks up.
Somewhere in the distance a
bell rings, and se vanishes.
"Well, that was
fun."
Sanzo turns to finds hir sitting in hir original
position on the ground behind him. "It seems like you've met the first
qualification. Aren't you glad I made you take those bastards along with
you?"
Sanzo frowns, eyes narrowing.
"You made "
The goddess waves a vague
hand, already uninterested in the detour se initiated. "What about the
second?"
"The second " He
remembers, hir voice in his ears. You must still
have a connection to that life, that body. His frown deepens.
"Well?" Se raises
an eyebrow.
Mind on the problem at hand,
Sanzo raises a hand unconsciously to rub at the irritating dampness of his
shirt, and then looks down. There really is a stain there, a wet spot in the
fabric over his still heart. His brows knit together as he stares at it. It
wasn't there when he woke up, he's certain of that much.
Behind him, Kanzeon Bosatsu stands and claps.
He looks up to see that se's beaming. "Well!
Looks like that monkey's good for something after all."
"Eh?" Sanzo's eyes
flick to the pond again, to Goku bent over him with his face buried against
Sanzo's lifeless chest.
"You'll get your wish,
Genjyo Sanzo. Pick up your life where you left off. No special benefits or
concessions it's up to you to do with it as you will."
Se stops on the step above
him, and raises a hand. Reaches out, and presses the tips of hir fingers against his forehead. There's a soft heat which
quickly escalates to a scalding pressure. He steps back, trips, and falls. As
he tumbles down into darkness, he barely catches hir
soft words, "Live well, Genjyo Sanzo."
He hardly notices. In his
head, a familiar voice is calling him.
Sanzo! Sanzo! SAN-ZO!
Goku hears the bell chime,
but doesn't take notice of it. He hears the quiet slap of bare feet on stone,
but doesn't take notice of it. He feels the warmth of bare skin against his
shoulders, unfamiliar arms wrapped around his shoulders; he doesn't take notice
of it.
And then, a quiet voice in
his ear. "Call him, monkey."
For an instant there is just
the slightest flash of familiarity, of warmth and the smell of sakura.
He looks up, and it's gone.
Beneath his fisted hands,
Sanzo's chest is beginning to grow cold. Goku glances back down slowly, eyes
wide. Sanzo is still staring at the ceiling, as if star-gazing. As if searching
for the sun in a black sky.
Goku feels the diadem crack
further along with his sob. Feels the simple, vindictive maliciousness of the Seiten Taisei leaking into him. He should fight it, should
resist, should be strong.
He can't. There's no room for
that in his head, no attention he can spare for it. He has only one single
thought, echoing through his mind like the peal of a bell strong enough to
shake its tower to the foundations: Sanzo!
On his forehead, the hairline
cracks widen. In his mind, his pain dulls as the Seiten
Taisei seeps in further. Sanzo!
Goku lowers his head,
shoulders slumping. There's no point in calling anymore. There's no one to
call, no one to answer. That knowledge only makes him want to more than ever.
Goku closes his eyes, and screams into the void while his limiter splinters. SAN-ZO!
Beneath him there's a deep
desperate gasp, and then heavy coughing. Behind him, Hakkai and Gojyo both
shout. Goku opens his eyes as control slips away from him, frantically grasping
at its very edges and trying to drag it back, to see Sanzo?
There's a dizzying, sickening
moment where the universe seems to expand and then contract with him stuck in
the middle, wind rushing in his ears and the malevolent rage of the Seiten Taise burning for a few
hot seconds in his head. And then he's slumped on his knees with the heavy
weight of the diadem newly-secure around his forehead, and cool fingers resting
in his hair.
"I'm gone for five
minutes, and you fall apart," says a gruff voice. Goku's heart leaps so
hard it hurts, eyes flashing open wide in shock.
Sanzo's sitting up in front
of him, torn robe and shredded shirt and all, staring at him and trying very
hard to look pissed as hell. He hasn't quite pulled it off, but Goku hardly
notices.
"S-Sanzo? Sanzo!"
Before he knows it, he's reached out and grabbed Sanzo's shoulder; it's warm
and firm under his hand. "Y-you're " he hiccoughs; his nose is
running, and his eyes are full of tears again. He wipes at them impatiently
with the back of his hand, and hears Hakkai and Gojyo moving closer behind him.
"You were pretty damn
lucky that time, Sanzo. Nearly kicked it for good. We would have had a hell of
a time finding a sutra to read for you," Gojyo stands right behind him,
resting his arm on Goku's shoulder; Goku glances up at him. Under his cocky
grin, the relief is starkly evident.
"Oh really?" asks
Sanzo, blandly. The composure doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I don't
recall asking you to."
Hakkai squats down on Sanzo's
other side, smiling. It's not his usual carefree mask; it's a smaller, tighter,
truer smile. "Maa, Gojyo, it's not kind to mock
the recently-dead. Who knows how many brain cells he may have lost?"
"I see your personality
hasn't improved," mutters Sanzo, taking his hand back and turning to Goku.
"And you, stupid monkey. What the hell were you doing, breaking your
limiter again?"
Goku ducks, expecting the harisen, but it doesn't come. When he looks up, Sanzo's
lips are just slightly upturned.
"Break it again, and
I'll break you," he threatens, making to stand. Goku automatically
scrambles forward to help him, and this time does receive a cuff on the head.
It isn't as hard as it could have been.
On their feet now, they all
pause to look around the tiny room. Sanzo nods at the scriptures, and Hakkai
bends to pick them up. Gojyo glances out the door towards the throne room, then
pulls his cigarette pack from his pocket and taps one out.
"So.
We've saved the world, restored the balance of good and evil, found the
scriptures, and somehow managed to do it all without any permanent losses. What
now?" He lights the cigarette with a metallic click.
Sanzo glances at the five
scrolls Hakkai holds cradled in his arms, all apparently identical, and picks
out two without hesitation. Looks up in surprise. "What do you mean,
idiot?" he drawls, unfolding the scriptures to place them on his
shoulders. Goku stands by his side, cheeks feeling like they'll split from his
grinning, basking in Sanzo's presence. Right here and now, everything is
perfect.
"Now we have to go
back."